nmnmnmnmm i don’t want to come across as selfish but my parents “discussing” (arguing) really stresses me out and i get all panicky and can’t concentrate on my homework or studying.
I wore my leggings to school today, in assembly we were told that if anyone is seen wearing “jeggings,leggings, don’t tell me what the difference is” we’ll be sent home to get dressed. I’m just mad because everyone else has gotten away with it until I turn up looking fab. Life’s tough when you’re a swagging fashionista.
no but seriously now, it’s just a tad annoying. because they are so comfortable and makes me far less paranoid about how I look. So here I am. I understand that part of sixth form means the allowance of non-school uniform but we need to be acceptable smart-casual or decent casual possibly what you’d wear in the workplace. But here let’s be honest that is a wiiiiiiide spectrum. I’m not much of a skirt/dress wearer. I don’t own a day dress, I had to buy them for girly dinners because my friends told me I wasn’t allowed to wear trousers. I want clothes that let me move, not restrict my movement.
I’m sick of this idea that it’s fine to wear pyjamas to nursery and to wear dressing-up clothes at the weekend during pre-teen years but when I become a young adult something is expected from me. I just don’t get it. Yes I adore class and smartness but if I’m going to school to be educated I want to feel confident in what I wear and not suffer from paranoid thoughts that something “makes me look fat”.
I’m so excited
I’m going to see Bombay bicycle club and imagine dragons and don’t hate on me about paramore, I still like them so tell me what you’re excited about to
But don’t shove your hate in my face
I’m not sure what love is. I look at the faces that surround me and sometimes I think that I love someone because of the passion they have for something, I look at them and think wow, I wish I could sit with them in cafes, walk with them around town, watch clouds with them or hear their opinions on what they’re favourite songs are. Is that love? I think that’s admiration, I admire a lot of people.
Then sometimes when you have “crushes” (i’m not keen on that word) you see someone and you get all shy, you stand weirdly and fiddle with your hands, you find it hard not to smile when you catch their eye, you love overhearing their voice in conversations, or mention of their name. You think about them at night and hope you have dreams about them.
Or is love when you kiss someone for the first time. I’m talking about real kisses, those confused ones where you don’t know how it happened or why it’s happening to you, but you enjoy it. Your tummy is backflipping like mad and your hands are wandering. You feel like you’re the only two people in that moment. And afterwards you remember to what they smell like and just that slight scent sends it back to you.
I’m not sure what love is really. I have hardly any experience, so I could be confusing it with admiration or lust or simple adrenaline. What’s your opinion about love?
Are you in love? If so, does the one you love know?
oh gosh! I could be really deep about this. but simply I’m not in any relationship but there’s a boy and I wouldn’t mind kissing him a lot, does he know though? It would be nice if he did. Maybe he feels some similar emotions or just thinks we’re good friends…who knows. Tell me if you want my deep answer on love but it might be a little cringey!
I was looking through my archive and just generally thinking about the past year. I noticed that I’m more whole. I’ve been more accepting of sadder times and understanding and allowing happy times. I used to cut myself off because I would decide for people that they didn’t want to talk to me. I realised that unless they tell me then what’s the point in being sad about my own perception, if you don’t tell me straight then that’s not my problem.
In reflection, during my GCSEs I was very upset, very stressed, traumatised from panic attacks and some sort of paranoia. Looking back I do think that I had a mental illness of some sort. I thought it was helpful, I believed it helped me to be a better person. And yes it did. I’m not trying to make it beautifully tragic but it helped me to understand people, myself, feelings, situations and helped me to be a lot less naive. I’m not saying I’m completely different and free from this, but I think I’ve become more accepting, understanding and able.
One time my friend stole my phone and started sexting someone from it, when she returned the phone he said I could keep on sexting but I had to explain that I was only adequate of talking about ice cream. That was the first time I turned away a boy by talking about food.